Happiest Ever After: Planning for a Plan

Although, I was not the little girl that would sit and day dream hour-upon-hour about my prince charming and walking down the aisle in my big, stark-white, poofy, picture-perfect dress; I did have the thought a few times "OMG - the minute I get engaged I will be able to plan my wedding...no problem!"

You see, I am a planner by nature. By that I mean I have a plan and an itinerary for EVERYTHING...I even make a plan to make a plan to later make an itinerary and if you're lucky there will be a spreadsheet attached. So, when Kyle and I started talking about marriage you can only imagine the excitement that my OCD brain experienced - I knew the colors, the feel, the venue, even the added little touches. Then he popped the question...(a story that I love to tell over and over, so feel free to ask at any point or just read my previous post.)

But, it was like once he popped the question I lost my ability to plan. I mean I had the basics figured out, we had at least decided on a date, but I lacked any direction. I had no idea where to start, where to look, how to even map out a plan for a plan. Had I lost my planning mojo? 

So, with that being said the wedding planning is er, umm, underway?!? Stay tuned for continued coverage of our planning adventures...I'll do my best to keep it interesting.

Happiest Ever After: Chapter 1

Some may describe our story as a whirlwind romance, but those who know us describe it as a fairytale in the making. This is our story and this is our forever...

Teresa and Kyle met through a mutual friend back in the summer of 2009, August 8th to be exact. They hit it off instantly and most say that sparks flew, but apparently the 2 were so blinded by those sparks they missed the instant attraction that they had for one another. Although a romantic relationship did not form instantly, the 2 did build a great foundation for a friendship over that weekend.

As their friendship grew they found themselves turning to the other for advice and comfort, to share the ups and downs of their days, or just simply to say hi and check in on each other.

Through wakeboard trips, and other random gatherings of friends, Teresa and Kyle always seemed drawn to each other, in a fun-loving, similar personality way.

As the summer of 2010 rolled around lake trips started being planned weekend after weekend, so the group got together quite a bit. Looking back it is funny to hear the stories and the little things that each remembers about the other...”you didn’t pay attention to me and it hurt my feelings” to “you never called me back and that was so rude” and even on the serious side “you were one of my biggest supporters during one of the most difficult times in my life.” It was quite obvious that the pair had a love for one another and valued the friendship that had developed over the past year.

As summer 2010 was coming to an end the group was gearing up for the Labor Day trip to Broken Bow, OK. Comments and speculations started flying, “What if KSmith tells you he likes you”, “You and T are the perfect pair”...even Teresa's mom said the week of the trip, “Why don't you and Kyle just date?!?” It did seem as if the timing was finally right, but neither one of them wanted to admit the true amount of thought that they had given the possibility of dating.

The realization was pretty instant for both of them the minute that they saw one other as everyone was arriving at the cabin. Teresa describes it as an awkward, nervousness...”almost like I was 13 all over again.” On this trip Kyle took the initiative and opened up completely and wholeheartedly. He was very clear with his intentions and they both knew that they were looking into the eyes of their forever.

The engagement story is just as precious. As Teresa was packing up to move from Dallas to be closer to Houston Kyle went up to help her get organized. This weekend was the first one since they had started dating that they didn't have a prior commitment, so they also decided that this would be they would go on their "first date." Kyle had made plans with some buddies for Saturday, while Teresa was working on packing up her apartment. He called Teresa while running around with his buddies and said that his parents knew how stressed she was with the apartment being so unorganized, so they got them a hotel room for Saturday night. They decided that since the apartment was such a mess that it made more sense to just get ready for dinner at the hotel, so Teresa got her stuff together for the night.

Once they got checked in and on the elevator Kyle, in his usual playful manner, pushed every single button – annoying Teresa is one of his favorite hobbies. They finally got to the 10th floor, and Kyle realized that he forgot something...so down they went. Once they finally got back up to the 10th floor and to the door Kyle kind of fidgeted with the door, Teresa thought nothing because this wasn't out of the norm for Kyle. As he opened the door, Teresa saw rose petals sprinkled all over the floor – as she rounded the corner she saw spelled out in rose petals “Marry Me?” - she turned to Kyle and saw him down on one knee, as he once again shared his heart with her. As she turned around to take it all in there was Kyle's cousin who had been taking pictures of the entire event, and in the corner of the room they had a video camera set up, as well. This was a moment that neither would want to forget, and because of Kyle's perfect planning they won't.

It doesn't end here, they went on their “first date” to an amazing dinner at 560. Oddly enough Teresa's phone died before she could even update Facebook, so Kyle suggested that they go back to the hotel after dinner to charge it and then they could possibly go meet up with some friends. So, after dinner they headed back to the hotel, as they entered the lobby of the hotel Teresa was surprised by family and friends - all there to share in this special moment with the couple! The night was a dream come true for the both of them. As Teresa says, “They had found their HAPPIEST ever after.”

irony at it's finest...

So, I set out to start a blog as a gift to myself for my BIG 3-0. It took a lot of life changes and nudges from the big man upstairs, but I finally did it...after stumping my big toe on rock bottom a few times. No, but really, I knew that in order to get over this hump, I had to "get over myself" and let go of a lot of my past hurts. So, I did just that in my initial blog post. Man, was that freeing and just what I needed. It's funny, because if you go back and read it you would think that I was on the road, a long one, to singledom - not that being single is a bad thing in any way - I was actually REALLY looking forward to it. Free drinks, holler!!

Well, apparently the Big Man Upstairs had something totally different in the little day planner of His. You see, not even a week after that Oh-So-Freeing post I was slapped in the face, but in a good way. I realized that my one and only, my forever soul mate had been right by my side for quite a while. I guess, like I said, it just took me getting over myself to see him standing right there, arms wide open and a heart so full of love ready to give me his all.

Hold on friends because I have a feeling it is gonna be a fun-filled adventure full of laughter, love and lots of changes!!

Cheers to getting over yourself and just living life!

First day of the rest of my life...

I made a promise to myself that I would start blogging when I turned 30; well I got a little sidetracked once I hit that marker. But, the past few weeks I’ve been doing a little self-maintenance, taking care of me for the first time ever and it has been so empowering. I was walking Tica the other night, just reflecting on what I’ve learned about myself and life in general over the past year and a half and I was overwhelmed by how quickly my brain started working. I knew it was time to get it all out and start this project. I don’t intend to make all of my posts this intimate and boring, but I felt compelled to share and hopefully encourage others that might be experiencing similar circumstances.

Twenty-nine was a rollercoaster year…up and down and round and round. I felt as if my world was crumbling apart with each passing day. I lost myself in the changes, and felt as if the ending of my twenties symbolized the ending of so many dreams and goals that I felt like were now unattainable as I approached the big 3-0. I had my heart broken by the person I thought was going to be my forever constant. I was stuck in a job that I hated, but felt like there was no way out. I watched as one of my best friends suffered through the biggest betrayal and heartache imaginable. Trust was not a word in my vocabulary. I did not even have the trust or belief in myself that I could or would pull myself from the pit of self-pity that I had fallen into. I had no clue what my place was in the world. I was exhausted from running away from myself and the reality of where I was in my life.

As I got closer and closer to this dreaded mile-marker of adulthood (30) I could feel an upward pull, pulling me into a happier place each day. My sadness and anxiety were replaced with a sense of excitement and encouragement. When I thought about being 30 and all that I had going for me, I found myself smiling. Not the 1-2-3 for a picture smile, but a deep, internal, this is my life and I love it smile. Not much had changed with my circumstances, but I definitely had experienced a change from within during the last 6 months of my 20’s.

My 30th birthday was perfect! I was surprised by my friends and family for an amazing dinner and just a night of reflection on the different chapters that I had shared with everyone there. I was on Cloud 9 and knew that my 30th year was going to be my lucky year! Two days later…I lost my job. Yes, I was miserable and dreaded going to work everyday – but, never expected to become unemployed two days after my 30th birthday. It was a definite blow to my ego, but I did my best to remain positive and keep on the upward path. I had to remind myself that I still had the most amazing family, the best group of friends and a boyfriend that made me smile. I knew that I had so much going for me and that I could not let one bump take me down.

This little “bump” was more or less perfect timing. There was a group of about 20 of us going to New Orleans to celebrate my birthday, so I had that to look forward to while I started searching out a new job. As I started job hunting I really tried to focus on what I wanted to do, what would make me happy, as well as what I thought I’d be good at. I ended up falling in to what I thought would be my dream job. The first month or so was like a dream come true – I was getting to work with local businesses helping them to grow their business, as well as plan and execute events – seriously exactly where I had always wanted to be.

Well, my dream job slowly transitioned into a nightmare. I became dissatisfied more and more each day, it was an on-going battle…even getting paid became a task. As much as I tried to stay positive, I let the negativity take over, but kept my happy face on the surface. As I reached my breaking point I guess they sensed it and “dissolved” my position – I later found out this was a big fat lie and realized what I had always known was the truth, that this was a decision made on a personal vs professional level.

I felt myself slipping back into that pit of self-pity, which I knew was the path to self-destruction. I started experiencing the downward spiral while being employed and now being unemployed, yet again, only intensified these feelings. I quickly lost my way. I began to question everyone. Their intentions, their motives, their words. I questioned myself. What am I doing with my life? Why do I continue to fail? How can I continue to let everyone down? What do I have to offer? I was a ticking time-bomb just waiting to explode. I tucked myself away in my shell, not wanting to talk to anyone because I didn’t want to have to own up to what I saw as my continual failure. I picked myself apart, as well as those closest to me. I was on the path of destruction, not only of myself, but also of many relationships that I had fought so hard for. I tried to pretend that I was okay, that I was going to overcome this obstacle. All the while I was doubting my every move. Well, the pretending finally caught up with me and I lost it.

I have always been one to avoid confrontation at all costs, even if it meant giving up a part of me. I know that this is damaging to one’s soul, and it is a flaw that I continue to work on every day. But, give me a glass or 2 of wine and you’ll know my emotional state of mind, whether you want to or not (another teensy flaw that I’m working on ) The suppression of my sadness, anxiety, self-doubt and pretty much every other emotion led to heartache. The bomb exploded; the only fatality was the relationship with my boyfriend.

I was instantly devastated. NO! this cannot be happening. I felt completely broken and worthless, I was a mess. I kept playing the past few months over and over in my head, accepting all of the blame for the break-up. I wrote letters, I played out conversations in my head, you name pretty much any pathetic, sappy love movie heartbreak scene and I could have been playing the role of the one that just got dumped – looking back on it, I am disgusted to think that I let myself get to that point. I thought how can I hit so many lows in such a short period of time?

Suddenly, I woke from what I saw as this ongoing nightmare, only to realize that it was a beautiful dream! It hit me; this is my time to shine! All of these circumstances and events that I saw as lows aren’t really lows, they were just the lower steps to the higher place that I am on my way to.

I just recently started living again, and it feels amazing! This path of self-discovery has been a tough one, but honestly I wouldn’t go back and change a thing. I don’t have it all figured out by any means. I still don’t have a job. I am 100% single. But, I am truly happy for the first time in a long time.

I now see that:

• My self-worth is not measured by my career, relationships, income, or lack thereof
• You can’t make someone love you, no matter how hard you fight or how much you give
• I have a mind full of ideas, some good, some silly, some probably a little far-fetched; but, I can, and I will make big things happen and I will no longer look back with regret
• I have the most supportive and amazing family - the true illustration of unconditional love
• My girls are my forever constant
• Success is not measured by the money you make, your material possessions or how you are perceived by society. Success is an internal feeling and you are responsible for deeming yourself successful. God created you, therefore you are success in His eyes…is there anything more valuable than that?